You develop an addiction to this person that is not only psychological but biochemical and physiological. You feel addicted to them and lose far more than you gain. You’re committed to investing in the false image of this unhealthy person, rather than confronting the nature of their true self. Yet you’re not quite ready to face the truth. Your loved ones can see how much this person is draining you, physically and mentally. You defend them to others, even when your loved ones try to give you a healthy reality check about who this really person is and the harm they’re causing you. You find yourself walking on eggshells, trying to bend over backwards to meet their needs while neglecting your own. They hurt you, time and time again, yet you’re always ready and willing to take them back at the first sign of their remorse or a hint of their attention. Like a frog in slowly boiling water, you’ve grown accustomed to the heat to a point where it’s become deadly. You do everything to please them and are loyal to a fault, even when they give you nothing in return but pain.ĭespite the fact that this person has terrorized you time and time again, you’ve lost your grasp on reality. You’re gaslighted into believing that they really do want the best for you, even while they’re busy serving their own self-interest. Whenever they’re kind, you doubt yourself. Yet whenever you attempt to leave, this toxic person throws you a few crumbs of affection and you are more than willing to mistake it for the entire loaf of bread. You may even hold some unresolved anger and resentment towards this person for violating you. You may very well know that you’re being unjustly mistreated. You may be a rational, discerning person who sees through all of this person’s mind games and attempts to manipulate you. You know they’re deceptive and conniving, but you can’t seem to let go. Here are five signs you may be in a trauma bond with a toxic person: 1. They can also be exacerbated by our own abandonment wounds. They are usually strengthened by intermittent reinforcement, the periodic love-bombing, false promises or “small kindnesses” that a manipulator throws our way to keep us ensnared to the relationship. Trauma bonds are rampant in unhealthy, abusive or otherwise toxic relationships. They can occur in romantic relationships, friendships, within the family, and the workplace. Patrick Carnes, these types of destructive attachments are known as “betrayal bonds” and can take place in any context where a relationship can be forged. Similar to Stockholm Syndrome, it holds us emotionally captive to a manipulator who keeps us “hostage” – whether that be through physical or emotional abuse. A trauma bond is a bond that forms due to intense, emotional experiences, usually with a toxic person.
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